I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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