There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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