im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize