I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize