i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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