I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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