Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
