I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
