U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
