idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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