I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
