I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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