my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
