I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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