ugly people sure do ruin things
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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