I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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