I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
