I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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