I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
