I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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