I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
