8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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