how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
