??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
They have beer where we have blood.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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