the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
