my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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