i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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