I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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