I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize