im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I had to cum in my sink.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
