I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
