I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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