He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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