Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize