there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
