so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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