just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
