So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
