what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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