I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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