I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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