Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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