I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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