She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize