My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
