'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
