After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
