is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
