Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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