I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
