none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
