i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
