Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
