A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
