ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
