Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm passing your future prison.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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