My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize