I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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