I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
