I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
