Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
they're like a gay fantastic four
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
