That's when you crack a 10am beer
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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