Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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