White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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