Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
