I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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