So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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