Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
