hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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