Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
