and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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